Friday, October 06, 2006

Stephen Jackson in Trouble?

I'm glad we didn't get too comfortable with the Pacers' new outlook. The likelihood that Stephen Jackson would fire shots outside of a strip club at some point this year was akin to the likelihood that your girlfriend liked The Notebook. Beating the over-under of November 22, before the pre-season has even begun, Big Crazy has run afoul of the law. The full story is available on the usual news sites, but here's how it basically breaks down:
  • Within the friendly confines of exotic dancing establishment Club Rio, Stephen Jackson, Jamaal Tinsley, Marquis Daniels, and--as Jelly hastens to add--all-time NAIA scoring champ Jimmie "Snap" Hunter get into an altercation with another group of men.
  • Here's where things sound fishy: The Pacers pace out, but this other group follows them. Someone jacks Jackson in the face and tries to run him over with a car?
  • It is then that Big Crazy fires five shots into the air with his registered nine as the other gentlemen speed away.
  • The police arrive, find two more guns and a small bag of marijuana in Tinsley's ride, and no one is charged with anything. Hardness.
  • The Pacers try to re-enter Club Rio but, much to their chagrin, they forgot to get their hands stamped in all the excitement. On the ride to Scot Pollard's house to get more weed, Daniels is the one guy who says stuff like, "Dude, that chick was all over me. I think I'm the only one who got something for free tonight. We got into that private room and--whew, all the rules went out the window..."

I made that last one up (or did I?).

"Be honest, ladies. Is it the neck tats that rev your engines?"

Anyway, more surprising than any of this--because really, how surprising is it that Big Crazy shot at some people?--is that there will be no repercussions. The police were unable to determine the owner of the weed, so they didn't arrest anyone, which seems generous. The bag was found in the passenger side of Tinsley's car so all the cops had to do was wait around to see who calls shotgun, but that's Indiana law enforcement for you. Also, all the players had permits for their guns, so it's perfectly okay to shoot them outside a strip club.

Furthermore, none of the involved Pacers face any consequences from their team. Rick "players' coach" Carlisle was quoted thusly: "Our players realize that being out that late during training camp is not the right thing. It's an error in judgment, and it's going to have to change." When asked about Hitler, Carlisle concluded, "He was okay at the beginning. Regrettably, things got a little out of control. But hey, anyone who eats a pound of chocolate a day is a-okay in my book." I don't know, Rick, it seems to me that "shooting people outside of a night club" warrants at least some extra sprint drills after practice, considering that I used to do ten stadiums for wearing my shorts too low.

I think the real victim here is Snap Hunter. Because of his lack of NBA experience, he needs some pointers:
a) Don't hang out with Stephen Jackson.
b) Don't hang out with Stephen Jackson at a strip club.
c) Don't hang out with Stephen Jackson at a strip club when he's carrying a gun.
d) Don't respect your coach.

Or maybe I'm wrong. Apparently, you hang out with Stephen Jackson and nothing bad really happens to you.

"Friggin' scamps. Club Rio is for poor people."

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