Thursday, March 01, 2007

TANBR Recommends: Installment #1:

Excuse the blatant ripoff of McSweeney’s, but here’s a list of things TANBR thinks are so hot right now. Hopefully we can make it a biweekly thing.

Any ESPN Sportsnation poll:

These always fascinate me. Around the time of the whole Michigan-Florida “controversy,” they hit their stride, indicating about 93% of Michigan thought the Wolverines deserved the title game bid, while like 85% of Ohio believed the Gators did. Seamless and consistent, these six square inches on’s front page provide more information than most of the columns do. At the very least, they’re miles ahead of competitors CNNSi and FOX, where the polls often freeze or provide incorrect data.

MLB spring training uniforms:

It’s always fun to see a team like the Yankees, who have had four different uniform styles in their history, express themselves in March. Oh, you added a little white spline to the side of your cap? How en vogue of you. And it's entertaining to watch players get a feel for shirt size after the offseason: Dice-K's shirt's too small, Manny's jersey's still characteristically huge.

Dice-K's Google news alert topics since December would look something like this: contract negotiations, millions, arrival, fat?, gyroball, gyroball, gyroball.

Sega Genesis:

Probably my favorite video game system ever, and I’ll admit that it completely has to do with late-childhood timing. Take a game like Bill Walsh College Football ’95, which was the first to ever provide “live” scoring updates in a bottom line (endless comedy) and graphics of a coach finger-wagging a player on the sidelines. Video Kordell Stewart deserves to be mentioned with Video Bo in the same sentence. Or there’s Jam’mit, which is so minimalist (the streetball game only involves four different players and three different courts), it seems like it was designed thirteen years ago to be made fun of today.

Choose Slade if you're interested in skills such as ball handling, rebounding, and defensive intensity. Choose Chill if you're interested in changing the boombox tuner a few times a game.

Spearheading the ‘90s resurgence about three years too early:

See above. I’m also about twelve years too early on my 2001 ‘N Sync Popodyssey Tour t-shirt I paced for a dollar from Goodwill.

Doing research:

The best part about ‘research’ is that it involves topics never investigated before. Or at least I think it does. The term ‘research’ is about as vague as the term ‘engineering,’ so combining the two makes complete sense. Anyway, since it’s never been done before, there’s no time frame of reference, and that’s a very attractive thing.

Running away with National Player of the Year and still maintaining a humble naivete:

I love everything about Kevin Durant. I love counting his chest pounds along with his points and rebounds. I love referencing go-go-gadget arms way too much when he pulls down a board. I love that he, Kevin Focuseddddddddddman Durant, didn't accept by Facebook friendship. And I especially love the silly, optimistic chance he stays another year that I see in his wide-eyed innocence. No homo.

And don't ask why that broad's wrist is in a cast, either.

The Times Picayune’s five-part special, “The Rise and Disappearance of Southeast Louisiana”:

It’s thoughtful of someone to at least inform us that our hometown will be underwater in a hundred years. As usual with, the flash animation was well-conceived and technically superb. These next four parts this week should be interesting.

Texas Tech in the NCAA tournament:

We simply believe that beating Kansas and Texas A&M back-to-back (late January) is enough to qualify for this year’s tournament. Put them on a court not cluttered with O’Reilly auto parts advertisements, and the Red Raiders might be a little more focused.

Always found the number of advertisements on Bobby Knight himself interesting. Someone can't be hard enough to be putting him up to this, and it's too unbelievable he'd whore himself out like that. But yeah, he gets his oil filters for free.

Taking the bus:

Hated this at first, but those twenty-five minutes of textbooks and iPod are a productive way to start the morning. Crossword in hand on the afternoon ride, I often mentally speculate which passengers correspond to which stops. It also helps that an average of about 6.4 people are riding the Pickle Research Center bus at any particular time. I often see D.J. Augustin near my campus bus stop on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and that's refreshing.

Facebook March Madness:

I’ll be disappointed if I participate in fewer than eight pools this spring. Last year’s Java-scripted interface was a surprise in March; this year’s came two weeks early to allow the word to spread. It’s always interesting to see the national leaderboard as well; I think George Mason and Florida students combined for the top seventeen spots last season. Regardless, Facebook’s Google-like consistency in programming should be noted.


March provides a nice juxtaposition over the weekends: meat is not allowed on Fridays, but is very much allowed on Saturdays. Couple that with the increasingly impressive spring weather in ATex, and meat-binging cookouts on Saturdays follow logically. I still maintain there’s nothing wrong with a flesh intake that induces immobilization by 8 PM.

Making Tyler Hansbrough bleed:

It’s probably just me, and I know Tank will disagree, but this guy seems like the type who listens to Sean Paul and has more than a hundred dollars worth of protein supplements on top of his fridge. Seriously, was he crying after this? That would be pretty Tyler.

Of course The Black Guy on Duke is the guilty party.

Family Matters reruns weekdays at noon:

I only allow myself this guilty pleasure on Fridays, but, as my last semester at Tulane showed, it can be addicting. The one where Eddie Winslow joins a fraternity and starts coming home drunk was on the other day. Edward said something about the ‘Stupid Olympics’ and Waldo got upset. Carl threatened to kick Eddie out while Waldo threatened to end their friendship. Anyway, Eddie learned that drinking “leads you down a road that goes nowhere but a dead end." Premarital sex, though, is permissible in the Winslow household.

Waldo. Geraldo. Faldo. I miss the nineties.

- P.T.

No comments: