Monday, April 02, 2007

TANBR Recommends: Installment #3

And with the third installment, the 'TANBR Recommends' series has shattered the 'I'm Not Feeling The Sweatervest' series' running posts record of 2. Not a bank robbery at all.

Bourbon and Water
Look, Austin, none of your east Sixth Street bars know how to pour a substantial drink. After sipping one of your bourbon and cokes, my taste buds take me back to the penny slots at Harrah's while I'm trying to validate my parking (a top-5 most depressing situation). Just to avoid what tastes like Katrina'd coke, I pace bourbon and water whenever possible now. It doesn't necessarily taste well, but you don't want it to.

Ambivalence Toward O.J. Mayo
I almost decided to make this its own column, but hesitated when I realized it would actually require research. Look, five years ago, O.J. Mayo would probably be involved in my current desktop wallpaper. Ripping your jersey off and throwing the ball into the stands in your last high school game? Sounds like something Gratz-level 'Sheed would've done if he'd grown a pair by then. But I'm completely torn on Ovinton J'Anthony Mayo. He's forced me to realize I'm maturing as a sports fan-- I abhor pretty much everything he does on the court. But I also dislike the fact that I dislike O.J. Mayo. It's vicious. I don't want to end up like my dad here, referring to the Video Game Generation when someone "hot dogs it" (a pretty old man phrase in and of itself). Like I told Tank, I haven't felt this old since I realized Shaq has been in the NBA for fifteen years.


Lollerskates.

Kevin Durant's Away Messages
I'm totally not telling you his screen name, either. Access to KD's Facebook profile alone has made choosing Texas's grad school worthwhile-- and don't even try to befriend him. Word is, he uses MySpace way more frequently than Facebook. For example, he only has 342 friends at the university. I'm still 'Awaiting Friend Confirmation'... and that was over two months ago. Anyway, to the away message:

"Chillin wif my niggas ya diiig

Man I must be DRRRRREEEEEAAAAAAAAMMMIIIIIN

Weezy's comment of the day: "Its I against da world, and I'm strapped.....ill take all my gunz....shoot mothers, fathers, babies" figureit out

That means I'm ballin trick.....ya diiiig"

And Dude always quotes Wayne. I might start compiling these into a weekly feature.


I like getting asked by leafblower-wielding gardeners if KD is staying or going. What flavor did Kevin sport at Ben & Jerry's? Feel free to guess in the comments.

Jack-In-The-Box's Fish Filet Sandwich
Delicious. I'm never pacing McDonald's on a Lenten Friday again. They're the size of a Jumbo Jack, for $1.29, with two hearty filets, lettuce, and tartar sauce. None of that unmelted cheese bank robbery. Add some complimentary buffalo hot sauce and forget why Jesus died for your sins.

The Masters
A tradition unlike any other. This is probably the one sporting event that I'd consider purchasing high definition service for. The azaleas... are they not the golf version of the Wrigley Field ivy? Jim Nantz is fully in his element at Augusta, as well; it's a win-win for everyone.


"Hello, friend." I can completely imagine James Nantz talking that way to Circuit City employees.

Catching the Scent of a Friday Afternoon Crawfish Boil 550 Miles from Home
A pleasant surprise by AIChE. They actually weren't half-bad, and I always like teaching people how to peel them. Suck the head... ha HA! Chinese people are damned good at peeling them, by the way.

Wikipedia
The counter to Tank's post. I see nothing wrong with Wikipedia in the extent that I use it-- for trivia purposes only. Wikipedia will be a legitimate citation in five years (the wheels are already in motion to require editor credentials), but that doesn't really concern me when I use it to look up O.J. Mayo's full name. But I agree with two facets of Tank's essay. First, five years from now, with the ability to look up anything on your "mobile device" in under a minute, how significant will education be? And second, it's doubly worrisome that the type of person who'd know better than to simply reference Wikipedia by itself is probably looking for information far too esoteric for the site.

Blades of Glory
It's worth it. You probably can't come up with a better character for Ferrell to play. Think Neil Diamond crossed with Ricky Bobby. "You smell like urine." "A lot?" That being said, Chazz Michael Michaels carries the movie. Jon Heder doesn't take anything away nor contribute much. Will Arnett wasn't given much of a chance to leave an impression. Jenna Fischer, though cute as a button, isn't much of an actress. I was keeling over during the whale-bone comb scene, when we find out Chazz uses Mane & Tail horse shampoo for a lustrous coat. The comb, though-- did the writers just totally forget about that? Maybe a deleted scene will answer my question.


"It's the nighttime. It's dark for everybody, stupid."
"Not for people in Alaska or people with night-vision goggles."

"Climbing to the Window, Pretending to Dance," by Dave Eggers
One of the better short stories I've read in a long time. Part of the collection How We Are Hungry, which is a little too hit-or-miss to warrant a purchase. But definitely check out these 26 pages while killing time at Barnes and Noble.

Not caring about baseball
I was actually thinking of posting a "Everything you need to know about baseball" season preview and leaving the post blank. 2007 especially feels like one of those seasons where the July squads of the better teams will not even remotely resemble the April squads. Give me Baseball Tonight every once and awhile, and that's about it until September, unless Dice-K is involved.


Terrible, Microsoft Word only has two synonyms for 'curmudgeon.'

Liveblogging the National Championship game
Look for it Tuesday.

- P.T.

2 comments:

Tank said...

1. Chunky Monkey

2. Real talk on Blades of Glory. It was a bit thin for me--a little too thrown together. But I'll laugh enough times at any Will Ferrell movie for it to be worth the money. And I'm in love with Jenna Fischer, but being cute(tripping over lines and talking with hands) will only get her so far. I don't think she knows.

Steve said...

My POLA-629 professor at Tulane requested that we utilize Wikipedia and make as many references to it as possible. This was for a paper worth 60% of the final grade. Maybe the Wikipedia movement is progressing faster than you think or maybe Tulane professors just don't care. Probably both.