Sunday, September 09, 2007

First LSU Post of the Season

P.T., I know Hodson to Fuller is on hiatus, but can we get some kind of LSU love around here? We've just out-scored our first two opponents 93-7. We've just embarrassed the number nine team in the country. When people mention the Virginia Tech Massacre, I might get confused and ask which one.


Dipshit.

You know the Tigers are doing well when their play prompts a halftime call from my brother, who is to fratboys what I am to dudes in their mid-twenties who blog half-drunk about sports and hip-hop in their undies on Saturday nights.

Matty, who was probably full-drunk when he called, was on the thirty-five yard line in a shirt and tie, guzzling bourbon from a flask with his initials engraved on it. This is our conversation:

Matty: How 'bout them Tigers?
Me: I know, dude. I'm so excited.
Matty: How 'bout them Tigers?
Me: I know. This is great.
Matty: Tiger bait!
Me: Are you there?
Matty: Yeah I'm here. I'm on the thirty-five on the...facing the eye. This is awesome. Is it loud?
Me: Really loud.
Matty: This is amazing.
Me: Don't tell me what happened at the end of the half. I TiVoed it, and I have about five minutes left.
Matty: Did you see Keiland? What's the score on the part you're watching?
Me: Yeah, I already saw that. It's twenty-four-nothing now. I kept on waiting for that one play. I know Keiland is supposed to be so great and everything, but I hadn't seen that one play that really sold me until now. That was it--
Matty: At halftime, the band played all Journey. Every song.


You know Colt David, the LSU place kicker? I'm Facebook friends with him, and that's him on the right throwing the pace. This is from his photo album "Your Only in Cabo once...a Month haha." Just a little fun fact.

Me: Sweet. [Wifey] is watching me go nuts and everything, and she doesn't get that this isn't just any team they're playing against.
Matty: It's the number nine team in the country!
Me: That's--exactly. And we're embarrassing them. What you think about Sean Glennon?
Matty: That dude sucks balls. He doesn't know where he is. He can't hear shit. LSU better get some first place votes. They better get some.
Me: I mean, I think they're the best team in the country now. But I don't know what the voters are going to--
Matty: Did you see Shaq?
Me: What?
Matty: Shaq's at the game. We saw him.
Me: He's always around when they're winning.
Matty: They're probably going to show him at halftime. And me. I'm on TV. They just had one of those, like, zoom cameras come whizzing by on one of the lines above me. Anyway, who's better than them? Like, does Alabama actually think they can win against us? Your boy Saban played Vanderbilt today and only won by ten. Ten points against Vanderbilt. Have a nice life, faggot. Have a nice life.


Internet. Is "have a nice life" going to crack the TANBR lexicon? Only time will tell.

Me: This feels so good. Watching my team play this well.
Matty: What's Herbstreit talking about? It's Herbstreit, right?
Me: He's just saying that we have a dominant defense, that we're the real deal.
Matty: By the end of the game he's going to be serving up some tiiiiger bait.
Me: Did you tailgate?
Matty: Of course I fucking tailgated. I've been here since one o'clock. I've got to go. It's starting again. I can't hear you.
Me: I'm glad you called, bro. Have fun. Pace.
Matty: Later.


Whenever I wear my white LSU hat, I perch it high atop my head and practice my shit-eating grin.

I just wanted to show some love to my team. I think we both did.


Juggernauts.

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