Tuesday, October 21, 2008
The NBA Preview Preview
TANBR began as an NBA-centered blog, and, surprisingly, there are still more NBA posts than anything else. Still, the NBA season begins in about six days, and we have written nothing in the way of a serious preview, which is what every good basketball blog does at this point in the year. This is not lost on me.
And I've been very busy and blah blah. But the truth of the matter is, I have no angle for this.
I can't draw up fantasy rankings, because all the people in my fantasy league read this, and I don't want them to know how much I absolutely love Matt Carroll this year--omg j/k lolzz.
I can't do team-by-team previews, because a place like Hardwood Paroxysm does much more charming and in-depth versions of those than I can write. On a daily basis, ESPN's Daily Dime and TrueHoop columns predict the future way better than I can. Let's remember, my last exhaustive NBA column was a disaster. Once the Basketball Jones podcasts pick back up, they'll be much funnier than me too. Hell, I can't even win on the completely ridiculous angle, because Free Darko is previewing the outcome of every single game.
So I'm asking you, the TANBRine, what you want. You know what we do well. Give me an angle, and I'll run with it. You want me to compare each NBA team to a toy you liked in the '80s? Okay. You want me to rank the teams as if it were a Billboard singles chart from 1993? You've got it. Do you want me to write the whole thing in the voice of David Mamet (because you knew that was coming)? I'll try. I just want to be original, and I'm not doing a very good job of it at the moment. But I do love the NBA, and I want to cover basketball with our own style. So help me out in the comments or E-Mail. Reed Richards, I'm sort of looking at you here--omg j/k lolzz!
Oh, also, a lot of people haven't noticed, but there's a Tumblr annex to this blog called TANBR Deleted Scenes, where I dump all kinds of shit I find interesting day-to-day. It's the first link in the sidebar, and I have no standards or vision for it, so check that out. Some of you might even like those links more than our typical content.
"Yeah, to all the killers and the hundred dollar billas
For real niggas who ain't got no feelings
Check it out now:
I got you stuck off the realness, we be the infamous
You heard of us
Official Queensbridge murderers
The Mobb comes equipped with warfare, beware
Of my crime family who got 'nuff shots to share
For all of those who wanna profile and pose
Rock you in your face, stab your brain with your nosebone
You all alone in these streets, cousin
Every man for they-self in this land, we be gunnin'
And keep them shook crews runnin'
Like they supposed to
They come around but they never come close to
I can see it inside your face
You're in the wrong place
Cowards like you just get their whole body laced up
With bullet holes and such
Speak the wrong words, man, and you will get touched
You can put your whole army against my team and
I guarantee you it'll be your very last time breathin'
Your simple words just don't move me
You're minor, we're major
You all up in the game and don't deserve to be a player
Don't make me have to call your name out
Your crew is featherweight
My gunshots'll make you levitate
I'm only nineteen but my mind is old
And when the things get for real my warm heart turns cold
Another nigga deceased, another story gets told
It ain't nothin' really
Hey, yo, dun, spark the Phillie
So I can get my mind off these yellow-backed niggas
Why they still alive? I don't know, go figure
Meanwhile, back in Queens, the realness is foundation
If I die, I couldn't choose a better location
When the slugs penetrate you feel a burning sensation
Getting closer to God in a tight situation
Now take these words home and think it through
Or the next rhyme I write might be about you"