Tuesday, October 21, 2008

The NBA Preview Preview

TANBR began as an NBA-centered blog, and, surprisingly, there are still more NBA posts than anything else. Still, the NBA season begins in about six days, and we have written nothing in the way of a serious preview, which is what every good basketball blog does at this point in the year. This is not lost on me.

And I've been very busy and blah blah. But the truth of the matter is, I have no angle for this.

I can't draw up fantasy rankings, because all the people in my fantasy league read this, and I don't want them to know how much I absolutely love Matt Carroll this year--omg j/k lolzz.

I can't do team-by-team previews, because a place like Hardwood Paroxysm does much more charming and in-depth versions of those than I can write. On a daily basis, ESPN's Daily Dime and TrueHoop columns predict the future way better than I can. Let's remember, my last exhaustive NBA column was a disaster. Once the Basketball Jones podcasts pick back up, they'll be much funnier than me too. Hell, I can't even win on the completely ridiculous angle, because Free Darko is previewing the outcome of every single game.

So I'm asking you, the TANBRine, what you want. You know what we do well. Give me an angle, and I'll run with it. You want me to compare each NBA team to a toy you liked in the '80s? Okay. You want me to rank the teams as if it were a Billboard singles chart from 1993? You've got it. Do you want me to write the whole thing in the voice of David Mamet (because you knew that was coming)? I'll try. I just want to be original, and I'm not doing a very good job of it at the moment. But I do love the NBA, and I want to cover basketball with our own style. So help me out in the comments or E-Mail. Reed Richards, I'm sort of looking at you here--omg j/k lolzz!

Oh, also, a lot of people haven't noticed, but there's a Tumblr annex to this blog called TANBR Deleted Scenes, where I dump all kinds of shit I find interesting day-to-day. It's the first link in the sidebar, and I have no standards or vision for it, so check that out. Some of you might even like those links more than our typical content.

"Yeah, to all the killers and the hundred dollar billas
For real niggas who ain't got no feelings

Check it out now:

I got you stuck off the realness, we be the infamous

You heard of us

Official Queensbridge murderers

The Mobb comes equipped with warfare, beware

Of my crime family who got 'nuff shots to share

For all of those who wanna profile and pose

Rock you in your face, stab your brain with your nosebone

You all alone in these streets, cousin

Every man for they-self in this land, we be gunnin'

And keep them shook crews runnin'

Like they supposed to

They come around but they never come close to

I can see it inside your face

You're in the wrong place

Cowards like you just get their whole body laced up

With bullet holes and such

Speak the wrong words, man, and you will get touched

You can put your whole army against my team and

I guarantee you it'll be your very last time breathin'

Your simple words just don't move me

You're minor, we're major

You all up in the game and don't deserve to be a player

Don't make me have to call your name out

Your crew is featherweight

My gunshots'll make you levitate

I'm only nineteen but my mind is old

And when the things get for real my warm heart turns cold

Another nigga deceased, another story gets told

It ain't nothin' really

Hey, yo, dun, spark the Phillie

So I can get my mind off these yellow-backed niggas

Why they still alive? I don't know, go figure

Meanwhile, back in Queens, the realness is foundation

If I die, I couldn't choose a better location

When the slugs penetrate you feel a burning sensation

Getting closer to God in a tight situation

Now take these words home and think it through

Or the next rhyme I write might be about you"


Michael said...

Compare the teams to greatest NBA trades of all time , or conversely, to worst NBA contracts of all time (i'm thinking you can use a few mavs for the contracts and dirk for traylor for the good trades)

P.T. said...

Compare the teams to 2008 NBA Season Previews. Post. Mod. Ern.

Reves said...

Off-topic, but who's worried about "808s and Hearbreak"? Love Lockdown is awful.

Tank said...

"Love Lockdown" is revelatory. You're awful.

"This album is my heart. You can't give two-and-a-half stars to someone's heart. Would you give two-and-a-half stars to your grandma's love?" - Kanye West

Reves said...

An entire album in auto-tune? That's what happens when you believe T-Pain's "light is so bright."

adam said...

Compare the teams to NBA Live 04 players with entirely too high three point ratings.